Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
