If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
