I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
