I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
