I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
