my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
