Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
