I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This house was built for laser tag.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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