I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
