Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
