Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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