he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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