I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
