I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
