Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
