I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
