I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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