How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was born a porn star she said
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
