Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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