If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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