She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
