He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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