Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
