Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
not ubering you a puppy
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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