Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
