but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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