lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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