Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
