did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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