I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
