I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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