I CAN MOONWALK!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
