there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Two words: blizzard sex
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
