i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
