He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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