this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
