well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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