I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
