I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
