I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
