Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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