I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
