It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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