If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
