I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
