You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
