i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
