you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
