i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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