i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
