She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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