I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
