ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
