ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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